I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
