I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
