Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
