Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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