Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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