one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
me + whiskey = a bad person
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
