We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
