Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
