he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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