Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize