his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
