so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
