I have demons in me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize