I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
whose parrot is this?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
