How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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