Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Is Oprah even human
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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