Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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