Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
