I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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