I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
