I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just gargled with NyQuil
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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