Don't make out with my wife yet
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
