i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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