I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
