I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
