friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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