Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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