Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
