Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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