Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
