Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
