Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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