life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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