I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
