I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
