my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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