Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
