you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
