Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
