so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
