he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
