If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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