Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
