Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize