So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
