I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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