Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
