Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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