i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
