wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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