My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
