My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
love makes seman taste better
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
