I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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