I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
