that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
