Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
