What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
