I wish they made helmets for livers.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
