wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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