Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
