There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
