fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
