i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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