my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We need a shit load of segways right now
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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