Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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