speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
