we made out on top of his cat.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
