Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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