i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
