great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
