just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
