Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
