do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
