I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I want to fling myself into the sun
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
