Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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