that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
