I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
