i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Of course I have a pirate flag
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize