I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
