is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
