As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
