Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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