I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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