the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
