Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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