I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize