It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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