He uses pillows to masturbate.
so let's talk penis.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
