My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
