So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
