lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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