Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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