Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
