i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
