I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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