Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
