my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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