I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
