He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
