I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
