I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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