coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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