you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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